Continued by Vivi
It broke into two pieces...
Phil wanted to cry, because that glasses had been given by someone who loves him so much.
So, he went home, opened his "secret company" site and ordered the glasses. But... He started to throw his laptop because he couldn't buy the glasses immediately as they had no stock anymore. Another agent had bought the last one just a couple of minutes ago. The glasses would be restock two months later and that meant Phil would have to wait until the next two month to get the stupid things which meant his job would be submitted late. (Corrected)
Phil wanted to cry, because that glasses had been given by someone who loves him so much.
So, he went home, opened his "secret company" site and ordered the glasses. But... He started to throw his laptop because he couldn't buy the glasses immediately as they had no stock anymore. Another agent had bought the last one just a couple of minutes ago. The glasses would be restock two months later and that meant Phil would have to wait until the next two month to get the stupid things which meant his job would be submitted late. (Corrected)
Well done Bully, you haven't left us with a cliff hanger like Cindy's but this is still great. What's going to happen to Phil if he is late completeing his asignment. What will his boss do? What will he do in Medan while he is waiting for his glasses to arrive? Who is the mysterious person that loved him so much? There are still many questions left to be answered. I hope you guys will continue the story and give me an answer.
Your blog looks really great.
I'm going to make a few comments about the language.
Continued by Vivi
It broke into two pieces... (ask Cindy about this or check out the previous post) Phil wanted to cry, because that glasses was given by someone who loves him so much.
It broke into two pieces... (ask Cindy about this or check out the previous post) Phil wanted to cry, because that glasses was given by someone who loves him so much.
Firstly, fantastic. This is a perfect example of when to use the passive voice. Unfortunately, it's not quite right. Ok, this is a bit complicated. As there is no time reference in the sentence (to show the order of events), to show that the gift of the glasses happened before Phil wanted to cry, we would normally used the past perfect. I know it looks a bit complicated, and it is but it's not very difficult.
First action - someone gives Phil the glasses.
Second action - Phil wanted to cry.
Phil wanted to cry because those glasses had been given to him by someone who really loved him.
If you're confused, I'm sure you can figure it out if you speak to me. (I can give you some nice exercises!!!)
So, he went home, opened his "secret company" site and ordered the glasses. But... He started to throw his laptop
Hmmm, a typical Bully reaction - did he actually attack his computer?
because he couldn't buy the glasses immediately (very good) that (as) they had no stock anymore.
Another agent had bought the last one just a couple minute ago. (a couple of minutes ago)
Here you've used the past perfect perfectly, well, why did I bother with that stuff above, you can obviously do this.
The glasses will restock two months later (what happens to will in the past?) and it means (that meant) Phil must wait (would have to wait) until the next two month to get the stupid thing (s) which made (meant) his job will be (would be) submitted late.
Ok, this sentence has a couple of tense issues, mostly because of the modals.
All in all, a very good effort. Well done Bully.
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