There The Story Goes.. Part VIII

Continued by Pandora.

A few years later, they were freed from the jail. Tom has been thrown away by his wife, and so has Phil because his boss got mad when he had heard that Phil got caught by the polices. And now, they didn't have a house to be lived in. So, they're forced to find a job and buy a small house or rent a house. After they looked for a job from one to another shop, finally... they were accepted by the shopkeeper. They worked hard there, so they got a bonus every week. The money they earned, they used it for buying a small house and some furniture to be placed in the house. Until one day, somebody offered them a better job, it's to be secret agent but they didn't accept it because they didn't want to be in the jail again. They only worked hard at that shop to earned more and more money from them to be lived. If they have much money, they would build their own bussiness. So they always working hard to earn more and more money to have their own bussiness...

To be continued....

This is great Pandora!!!

Have you got word on your computer? Before you publish anything here, you should copy it into word and run a grammar and spelling check to see if word can spot any errors. I copied your work into word and although it didn't come up with much, it would have cleared up a couple of obvious problems:

the red lines are spelling problems

and the green are grammar problems.

Instantly, you can see that 'bussiness' should be business, 'to earned', should be to earn and you would have spotted that you are using the ing form of working after the adverb 'always' (so you are using it as a verb) and you aren't using any form of the verb to be. If you had posted it into word, and right clicked on the word, you would have been given some options and would have been able to work out what the problem was. You should try it next time.

Your vocabulary is very good and your verb patterns are mostly great but your tenses are really messed up. I think you can do this, so I'm not going to correct them for you. I'm going to highlight the incorect verbs and I'd like you to correct them.

A few years later, they were freed from the jail. Tom has been thrown (present perfect passive?) away by his wife, and so has Phil because his boss got mad when he had heard that Phil got caught by the polices. And now, they didn't have a house to be lived in(a little messy). So, they're forced to find a job and buy a small house or rent a house. After they looked for a job from one to another shop, finally... they were accepted by the shopkeeper. They worked hard there, so they got a bonus every week. The money they earned, they used it for buying a small house and some furniture to be placed in the house. Until one day, somebody offered them a better job, it's to be secret (remember jobs take 'an' article - I'm a teacher) agent but they didn't accept it because they didn't want to be in the jail again. They only worked hard at that shop to earned more and more money from them to be lived. If they have much money, they would build their own bussiness. So they always working hard to earn more and more money to have their own bussiness...

There The Story Goes part VII

There The Story Goes part VII

Continued by Jemmy

When Phil came to Tom’s house, Phil persuaded Tom to help him to rob the jewel that he’d been spying until now. Originally, Tom insisted to help him; he replied angrily, “I won’t help you. You know, Phil, now I am a good guy, the first thing you should know, I have been married, have a job, and two sons. Now, I’m happier than before. Have you ever thought what would be the consequence if we were caught when we were trying to steal that thing?” Tom asked. “I’d ever thought about it many times, but I got agitations to steal that jewel.” Phil replied. *You are insane, Phil!* Phil asked tom to begin their challenging action on Monday night; Phil and Tom planned to steal all of the jewels and the money that saved in safety box. *You’re the spy master, Phil!* “I will share the profits 50% with you, so could we make a deal?” asked Phil. Tom agreed. They would like to spend the money for a long holiday, and Phil, quit from his job, bought a new house and lived there peacefully. Phil was so glad and looked for some equipment as soon as he arrived home. Finally, that challenging day arrived, Phil and Tom feigned as security guards. Nobody noticed them. About 2 o’clock, they started their plan. When, they would like to open the lock of the jewelry shop, Phil forgot there was an alarm attached near the shop. In few seconds, it rang loudly. The security guards and some polices caught them. Phil and Tom had no ways to run. Finally, they arrested by polices…

There The Story Goes part VII

Continued by Jemmy Good to see you're getting involved.

When Phil came (came or went? What's the difference?) to Tom’s house, Phil persuaded Tom to help him to rob (to rob or to steal? What's the difference?) the jewel that he’d been spying on until now. Brilliant use of the past perfect continuous!!! Originally, Tom insisted to help him(insisted on helping - verb patterns are difficult, especially when there are prepositions to get in the way. Sadly, as far as I know, you just have to learn them.); he replied angrily(yeah - perfect) , “I won’t help you. You know, Phil, now I am a good guy, the first thing you should know, I have been married, have a job, and two sons. Now, I’m happier than before. Have you ever thought what would be the consequence if we were caught when we were trying to steal that thing?” Tom asked.

“I’d ever thought about it many times, but I got agitations to steal that jewel.”

This is interesting - "I'd never" is fine but "I'd ever" doesn't exist in English. You don't need the 'ever'. there is an advertisment in Medan with a picture of a man falling off a ladder (near Grand Palladium) which reads - ...because you'll never know - on the ad, the letter 'n' is falling off and the man is falling off his ladder trying to catch the letter 'n'. It's an advert for insurance I think. Unfortunately, you can't say 'you'll ever know' (meaning the opposite of you'll never know), it should simply read 'you'll know', or perhaps, 'you'll always know'.

agitations - nice word but inappropriate - careful with your dictionary.

Phil replied. *You are insane, Phil!* (Why are you using **stars** instead of "speech marks" (and don't tell me it's cute- lah)) Phil asked tom to begin their challenging action on Monday night; Phil and Tom planned to steal all of the jewels and the money that saved in safety box. (mostly good, the money is saved - passive)*You’re the spy master, Phil!* “I will share the profits 50% with you, so could (do we have a deal)we make a deal?” asked Phil. Tom agreed. They would like to spend the money for(you spend money on things) a long holiday, and Phil, quit from(no need for from - simply 'quit his job') his job, bought a new house and lived there peacefully.(here you have a list of verbs and they are all preceded by the verb 'would like'. I would like to... buy, quit, leave, live, spend etc... no need to change the tense) Phil was so glad and looked for some equipment as soon as he arrived home. Finally, that challenging day arrived, Phil and Tom feigned (hmmm dictionary lagi!!!) as security guards. Nobody noticed them. About 2 o’clock, they started their plan. When, they would like to open the lock of the jewelry shop, Phil forgot there was an alarm attached near (attached to the shop)the shop. In few seconds, it rang loudly. The security guards and some polices caught them. Phil and Tom had no ways to run. Finally, they arrested by polices… (police are uncountable - (no need for the 's') and at the end, they WERE arrested by the police - I think you knew that!!!)

Jemmy, Jemmy, Jemmy! This is brilliant. You use some very sophisticated language here, and most of it is pretty accurate. I'm really impressed. Can you do it again? Come on Jemmy, let's have some more!!!

There The Story Goes part VI

Continued by Sherli

That's what his boss did when his boss has not enough people to be his secret agent...

As long as he remembered, his boss has looked after and taught him many kinds of martial arts. So he could use Phil as his secret agent, that he could trust the most.
Back to thepresent, he phoned Kim although he didn't want to. They just talked for a moment although they hadn't met for a long time. And at the end, Kim told him to ask Tommy whom she received the glasses from. Tommy was a spy who worked in an illegal company.
"Oh Yeah! I've got new way! It should be better to ask Tom than Kim.. It needs to be easy.." Phil thought.
Hhhmmm... but it seemed that he forgot his phone number. And then he wrecked all the sides of his apartment. "Thank You God, you always help me," he smiled then called Tommy. They made a meeting in a secret place *to think that their conversation would be bugged by someone, they didn't talked about it by phone*. After they met, Phil must took his fate which has been given by God, Tom couldn't help him. It is because Tom was not a spy now in his life, he had became a good guy. (Corrected)

Ok, this is very good. You have introduced a new character which is great. Why did he quit the spying game? What does he think about Phil?

There is some great language in here but there are a few problems with the tenses (grrr!). I know that you can fix the tense problems yourself so I'm going to highlight them in your story in red and then you can edit this post and correct them yourself!

Back to the present, he phoned Kim although he doesn't want to. They just talked for a moment although didn't meet for a long time they hadn't met for a long time. And at the end, Kim told him to asked (to ask - grrr infinitive!!!) Tommy, whom she received the glasses from. Tommy is a spy who worked in an illegal company. "Oh Yeah! I've got new way! It shouldwill be better to ask Tom than Kim.. It must be easy.."(hmmm, this is not wrong, though it seems a bit awkward. I think 'it needs to be easy') Phil thought. Hhhmmm... but it seems that he forgot his (this is a bit confusing - too many pronouns) phone number. And then he wreck all the sides (do you mean 'walls'?) of his apartment. "Thank You God, you always help me," he smile then call Tommy. They made a meeting in a secret place *to think that their conversation would be bugged by someone, they didn't talked about it by phone*. After they met, Phil must took his fate which has been given by God (accept his fate), Tom can't help him. It is because Tom is not a spy now in his life, he has became a good guy.

As I said before, this story is great. It is a fantastic effort from all of you. When am I going to get an installment from Jemmy? How about setting him up with another gripping cliffhanger, Cindy?

Well done guys!

There The Story Goes Part V

Continued by Eveline

The only way to get his job completed quickly, was asking Kim, Phil's exgirlfriend who gave him the glasses to make him a new glasses but on the other hand, Phil felt uncomfortable to ask her an effort because they have broken up for couple of years...But.... Phil still have to continue to complete his job in order not to be killed by his boss and he wasn't able to quit from the secret company, he was looked after by his boss when he was a baby because his parents had left him in the street...That's what his boss did when his boss did not enough people to be his secret agent... (Corrected)




Ok, this is great. It's wonderful to find out about some of Phil's background. I was interested from the outset on what had happened in Phil's life. How had he got his skills. Now, you're answering thos mysteries.

The language here is brilliant. There are very few mistakes. Just a couple of little things:

Phil's ex-girlfriend who gave him the glasses to make him a new glasses but in other hand
we say on the other hand
I have no idea why, it would make more sense to talk about things in hands rather than on but English has some very silly vocab.

Phil felt uncomfort - ok, another bit of weirdness. The noun 'comfort', is complimented with the negative 'discomfort'. Here, I think you'd be safer with the adjective 'comfortable' or rather with the negative form 'uncomfortable'.

Phil still have to continue to complete ...
I think you can sort this one out yourself.

in order not to be killed by his boss
Brilliant!!!

he's kept by his boss when he's baby because his parents left him by the street...
Ok, the passive is good but the tenses here are a bit complicated. The story is set in the past so all of the events that occurred before the story should be described using a past perfect form. Remember, if you say when something happened you don't have to used the past perfect but if you don't refer to the time, you need to use it to show the order of events.

He was kept (actually, 'he was looked after'... is better) when he was a baby.
The 'when he was a baby' clause lets us know the order of events.

Now, everyone can understand that his parents left him in the streets before his boss started looking after him but English is a silly language and so you should have used the past perfect. Compare:

He was looked after by his boss when he was a baby because his parents had left him in the street...

when his boss has not enough people

Past simple negative statements use 'did' as an auxilliary.

All in all, a fantastic effort on your fantastic blog. Well done Eveline and keep it up Super Teens.

There The Story Goes part IV

Continued by Vivi

It broke into two pieces...
Phil wanted to cry, because that glasses had been given by someone who loves him so much.
So, he went home, opened his "secret company" site and ordered the glasses. But... He started to throw his laptop because he couldn't buy the glasses immediately as they had no stock anymore. Another agent had bought the last one just a couple of minutes ago. The glasses would be restock two months later and that meant Phil would have to wait until the next two month to get the stupid things which meant his job would be submitted late. (Corrected)

Well done Bully, you haven't left us with a cliff hanger like Cindy's but this is still great. What's going to happen to Phil if he is late completeing his asignment. What will his boss do? What will he do in Medan while he is waiting for his glasses to arrive? Who is the mysterious person that loved him so much? There are still many questions left to be answered. I hope you guys will continue the story and give me an answer.

Your blog looks really great.

I'm going to make a few comments about the language.

Continued by Vivi
It broke into two pieces... (ask Cindy about this or check out the previous post) Phil wanted to cry, because that glasses was given by someone who loves him so much.

Firstly, fantastic. This is a perfect example of when to use the passive voice. Unfortunately, it's not quite right. Ok, this is a bit complicated. As there is no time reference in the sentence (to show the order of events), to show that the gift of the glasses happened before Phil wanted to cry, we would normally used the past perfect. I know it looks a bit complicated, and it is but it's not very difficult.

First action - someone gives Phil the glasses.

Second action - Phil wanted to cry.

Phil wanted to cry because those glasses had been given to him by someone who really loved him.

If you're confused, I'm sure you can figure it out if you speak to me. (I can give you some nice exercises!!!)

So, he went home, opened his "secret company" site and ordered the glasses. But... He started to throw his laptop

Hmmm, a typical Bully reaction - did he actually attack his computer?

because he couldn't buy the glasses immediately (very good) that (as) they had no stock anymore.

Another agent had bought the last one just a couple minute ago. (a couple of minutes ago)

Here you've used the past perfect perfectly, well, why did I bother with that stuff above, you can obviously do this.

The glasses will restock two months later (what happens to will in the past?) and it means (that meant) Phil must wait (would have to wait) until the next two month to get the stupid thing (s) which made (meant) his job will be (would be) submitted late.

Ok, this sentence has a couple of tense issues, mostly because of the modals.

All in all, a very good effort. Well done Bully.

There The Story Goes part III

The next day, he looked for the camera, but… He still couldn't find anything… “What’s wrong with my crazy stupid little camera?” The shopkeeper looked at Phil (What’s wrong with this man?). Phil was kicked out of the shop by the shopkeeper. He went back to his apartment and switched on his laptop. He looked at the location of that small camera. He viewed it for a minute… three hours… And, “OH MY GOD! I forgot to use my special glasses” (special glasses to look at invisible objects)’>.<’ He looked for his glass, “where did I put it?” He searched for them everywhere, and gave up; he sat down on his cozy sofa for a while and think… “2 days ago, I went to that shop with Nelly (the girl he met in STARBUCK), I went back home with glasses in my coat’s pocket. Now, where is my coat? *OH, I took it to Laundry Service.” He ran down to Laundry Corner, he asked the maid to find his coat. Finally, he found his glasses. And… OH!!! (Corrected)

To be continued………………..

Again Cindy, this is really good. You have answered the questions you left us with at the end of the previous installment and set up some new ones to maintain the tension. I'm actually reading this story as a reader first and then going back to it as a teacher. You have completely cleared up most of your problems with tenses now and although you're sticking on articles a bit, most of your problems are vocabulary based. Have you got a good dictionary on your computer? I use mine all the time.

Well done Cindy, keep it up.

There The Story Goes part III

Continued by Cindy.

The next day, he looked for that camera
(this is fine but perhaps the camera '2nd time rule') ,
but… He still didn’t find anything
(again, not really wrong but it would have been better to use he couldn't find it)…
What’s wrong with my crazy stupid little camera?” The shopkeeper looked at Phil (What’s wrong with this man?). Phil was kicked out of that shop (the shop) by the shopkeeper. He went back to his apartment and switched on his laptop. He looked at the location of that small camera (ha ha). He viewed it for a minute… three hours… And, “OH MY GOD! I forgot to use my special glasses” (special glasses to look at invisible objects)’
very good - what are the differences between look at/look for/watch>.
<’ He looked for his glasses, “where did I put it?”
(Glasses are one of those strange counter intuitively plural things. We say a pair of glasses and a pair of trousers so the word is replaced by the pronoun them.)
He searched it everywhere (he searched for them), and gave up; he sat down on his cozy sofa for a while and think (hmmm, I think you know what the problem is here. It would be neatest to use an ... Infinitive of Purpose, so, he sat down on his cozy sofa for a while to think)… “2 days ago, I went to that shop with Nelly (girl he met in STARBUCK)
(second time 'the girl he met in Starbucks),
I went back home with my glasses in my coat’s pocket. Now, where is my coat? *OH, I took it to Laundry Service.” He ran down to Laundry Corner, he asked the maid to find his coat
(What maid? Whose maid?).
Finally, he found his glasses. And… OH!!! To be continued………………..

There The Story Goes part II

continued by Cindy Siwan.

As he'd arrived in his apartment, he switched on his laptop in order to spy the situation of the jewelery shop. He looked at his laptop for a minute... an hour... two hours... five hours... and switched off the laptop, he didn't get any precious information. The next day, he went back to the shop to unplug the small camera, but he couldn't find it, "where is it?" He checked every side of the shop, unfortunately he didn't find anything. *OH MY GOD! That's the most expensive camera that I've ever had! ~_~"* He went back to his apartment and checked the signal of the camera from his laptop. There is a signal from the camera, it must be stuck on the wall of that shop, so why couldn't he find it? (Corrected)

To be continued.......

This is fantastic Cindy! The story is really getting interesting now. I love that you've set up some tension with the mystery, a true cliffhanger. So who's going to continue the story? I can't wait to find out what happens next. On top of that, there are some superb structures here, I'm very impressed:

"he switched on his laptop in order to spy" this is great, - one small thing, you normally spy on someone or something.

"he didn't get any precious information" again, fantastic - precious is a lovely adjective but it is usually used for things that are important to you on a personal level. Kind of, things that are important to your heart, things you love.

"The next day, he went back to that shop to unplug the small camera, but he couldn't find it, " Remember the work we did on articles, as the shop has already been introduced, you can use the for the shop. It's the 2nd time rule. After that, you use a great infinitive of purpose: - Why did he go back to the shop? To unplug his camera. - spies use small cameras, they are usually referred to as miniature cameras.

"He check every sides of the shop," oops, I think you know what the main problem is here. Every, is used with singular nouns - remember the Police song - Every breath I take.

"That's the most expensive camera that I've ever had!" Brilliant!

"There is a signal from the camera, it must be sticked on the wall of that shop, so how can't he find it?" A couple of little tense problems here. Stick is irregular - Stick, stuck, stuck. The last question should read; so why couldn't he find it?

All in all, a great chapter in the continuing drama of the mysterious Phil.

There the story goes......

A story about a secret agent who worked at a company to gather some informations in Medan...

His name is Phil,
He went to the mall early and sat in Starbucks reading the newspaper and drinking a cappuccino...
at the same time, he looked at the FELICE jewellery shop in the opposite of STARBUCK, which is the richest jewerelly shop in Sun Plaza. When the shop opened, he started to go into the shop with a girl he met in Starbucks cafe. He promised to buy a diamond for the girl. She is a sweet girl, falling in love with Phil in the first sight, but she didn't know that Phil only wanted to use her for his job. She went with Phil to the FELICE shop. Phil asked her to look for the diamond she wanted, while he tried to stick the small camera into the shop. He's sure no one realized it because it's size is too small about 0,001 mm. (Corrected)

A story about a secret agent who worked at a company to gather some informations (information is uncountable - some information, a piece of information, a few pieces of information) in Medan...

His name is Phil, He went to the mall early and sat in Starbucks reading the newspaper and drinking a cappuccino...

at the same time, he looked for (look for something to find it, look at something when you know where it is - do you mean watched? what's the difference) the FELICE jewellery shop in the opposite (you tell me) of STARBUCK, which is the richest jewerelly shop in Sun Plaza. When the shop opened, he started to go into the shop with one of the girl (how many girls did he meet) he met in the (Starbucks is a name so you don't need an article) Starbuck cafe. He promised to buy a diamond for the girl(nice guy? - stupid girl?). She is a sweet girl, falling in love with phil in the first sight (fantastic), but she didn't know that phil (he may be a bad man, but I think he still deserves a capital for his name) only wanted to use her for his job. She went with phil to the FELICE shop. Phil asked her to look for the diamond she wanted, while he tried to stick the small camera (hmmm, why should this be 'a small camera'?) into the shop. He sure no one realized it because the size is too small about 0,001 mm. (This sentence is a bit whacky, don't forget about subjects and verbs).

Thanks, whoever did this. Pass the story on to another member of your team. I want to know what happens next. Well done so far!

Questions....Questions... and Questions.... *what CRAZY questions these are...*

Ok, today.... Mr. Radford told us to make questions and sent it to other groups, and now we have these questions that they sent to us.....
We have 23 papers with.. crazy questions..

Let's see these questions and the answers we wrote,
first.. to the editor, Ruby
1. Can you tell me what the hell is your boyfriend's name?
- My boyfriend is Prince Charles, Edison, Daniel Radcliffe. I feel confused to choose one of them to be my husband.
2.Why can you be proud of yourself? *the answer can't be proud again!!!*
- Because I have many fans and they will do what I asked.

ok, that's all questions that sent to Ruby and her silly answer.

second, Pearl
1. Why do you act like a children (children is the plural form ('a' means 1) so it should be child) and funny (funny is an adjective which should describe a noun, this word is describing the verb 'act' - what should it be) ?
- hohoho.... Thanks for the attention...

Then, Diamond
1. Can you tell me who you love?
- I love who love me
2. Still going on with Benny?
- he....hi....ho....ha......
3. When would I have your wedding party and also a ceremony in Paris?
- I don't know. You just wait.

That's all Diamond's...

yackk.. jump to Emerald's....
1. Do you still love William Rudson? Tell me the truth!!!
- NO! *I thought it's already the truth*
2. Why your face like Dora the Explorer?
- I don't think so!! Don't gossip too much, you know!? Week..
3. Are you a Panda?
- No, I'm not! I'm a Human!

So..so... Garnet's!
1.What things that you can proud of yourself to life and have a boyfriend?
- That's nothing I can proud of myself, because I'm not forever. As long as I'm happy, then there's nothing 2 be proud!!
2. What the hell did you eat this morning and last night?
- I ate porridge


And Crystal....
1. Do you like people call you 'Bully'? Why if yes or no?
- Not really hate that 'nickname'. Because friends seldom call me that 'nickname', yeahh... the one who calls me 'Bully' is Mr. Radford.. :p Enjoy whatever they like to call you as long as they don't hate you! hehehehhe...
2. What do you prefer, romantic guy or humorious guy?
- I like humorious one, because he could make me smile everytime I want *I wish...*
3. Will you marry when you're 25?
- I don't know. It's my future, I can't tell what will be happened in my future..
4. Why do you always act like a child?
- Because I like it!

Then, the last from Super Teens.... "Turqoise"..... *and also the only man in this group*
I think he has a lot of fans... We have 8 questions for him! *Wow*
let's start from the first one,
1. Have you ever slept with your girl?
- I always sleep with girl whose initial is SL. She asks me to come to her home to sleep with her in one room.
2. Why is your blog name very funny? And why you gave this name for your blog?
- That's the fact. We're SUPER. I don't think it's a bad name.
3. Are you lonely when you fight with someone?
- I don't feel lonely; because I already has someone who loves me.
4. Why you don't want to be friend with Budianto?
- Because he is selfish and always want to disturb me . And the final, I'll never speak to him again.
5. This question has been deleted by Mr. Radford because it was not really appropriate. You filthy minded so and so!!!
6. Do you like Eveline?
- Absobloddylutely No...! Because she's funny so I stay close to her just for playing!
Do not change this answer!!!!!
7. What type of girl do you like?
- The girl must have long hair ; beautiful ; have propotional body ; clever ; can cook ; not wear glasses.
8. Why do you suck?
- I don't think I'm suck ; I'm a funny friend, may be you're suck.

Then, that's all... Enjoy it and don't forget to put comments for our improval....

SuperTeens's Hometown Part 1 -'bout plazas-

Our hometown is Medan.
Medan is a city that's growing up to become a Metropolitan City. *i thought it would be very long time to make it happen :p*

Let's talk about plazas in Medan!
Nowadays, Medan has grown so fast. Just by few years past, 3 malls have been built.



How is Sun Plaza Looks like. It's one of the newest and the biggest Plaza in Medan. The other one is Medan Fair.



Plazas in Medan :
1. Sun Plaza
2. Medan Fair
3. Grand Palladium
4. HongKong Plaza
5. Makro
6. Brastagi The Five Star Market
7. Medan Mall
8. Perisai Plaza
9. Deli Plaza, Sinar Plaza, Menara Plaza (mergered into one mall)
10. Thamrin Plaza
11. Yanglim Plaza
12. Millenium Plaza (Phone Trading Center)

Some plazas are in processing now. Like City Walk *it's located just in front of Merdeka Walk*.